half year mark

Dear Sumire,

Here goes half a year. This half a year has been tiring, and filled with loads of medical leave. My goodness the headache and fever, and whatsoever whatsnot.

And my gosh. I have not completed a single thing!

*NOTE TO SELF*

• Even if you are sick, work it up!
• Just work it out!
• You gotta make those vids goddamnit!

Alright, signing off

Eugene

sms

Dear Sumire,

I don't understand what you're trying to tell me. Please don't hint me with underlying messages. I don't understand.

Perhaps I don't want to understand.

jin

will life find a way?

Dear Sumire,

I helped out my sister out for a whole 2 days, for her video assignment.

I must say, it tolls on me, physically, mentally and spiritually.
But it was fun. I enjoyed it. Even if I'd to be tossed on the cold damp stony ground.
Frankly, I enjoyed it. But don't mistaken me for a sadist. I just missed story telling.

Then it strikes me hard, that I miss this life. I really wanted this kind of life you know? Scouting the location. Being on the set, planning the shots. Looking at storyboards. God knows I missed these stuffs.

I wonder what I'm meant to do. I want to get there. But where's the God-damned path? I can't see it. Not a window of opportunity.

I'm not ranting. Or maybe I am. But more than that I'm just asking, if there's a way of going back into the life I really wanted. I'd always been the kinda guy that tell himself that "Life will find a way". I'd always been like that since forever.

But now I wonder...
What if this way is not leading me to the destination I should be; or more accurately the place I wanted to be in the end.

I just wonder if I will get there before I die.
Maybe.
Maybe not.

I guess I'll never know.
jin

get retarded

Dear Sumire,


If you break something, you pay up.
Or the least you can do is to apologize.

But, buat bodoh is the best strategy of all. Really.
Works like a charm.

jin

respect gone

Dear Sumire,

I found this is my drafts. I think should post it. LOL
Well, It's my freedom to express myself in my own blog ay?

Dear You-know-who-you-are,

Let's face it. I won't be kind with my words. So here goes my big mouth.

I used to look up to you. I'd been hearing stories about how smart you were. How well-mannered you were. Now I wonder if any part of the stories I heard were true. Maybe you were smart and well-mannered, but I guess it's all past tense now.

You were egoistic, but you know what's worst? You were not civilized. You act and walk like a lad, but deep inside, you're barbaric. You're pathetic old hag who still lie to your poor mother. You don't worth any respect at all. You had any idea your lies could create arguments? I guess you would care since you'll just hide under your mama's skirt when all those shit came pouring in. Have some dignity will you? Grow up and start acting your age. You're not 12 anymore. You aged more than 12 doubled. You're a degree graduate. Use your fuckin brain.

You think you're some kinda superstar? You think we're some kinda paparazzi trying to get a scoop for gossip tabloid about when you're gonna get married, or when you're going to break up? Sorry sister. You're no Paris Hilton even if you bitch like one. You're no Lady Gaga neither, because you're much more freakier then Mama Monster. Just to let you know, we're not interested in your personal life. I guess no one is or ever will be. So stop bitching, and stop blaming. Get a life, and live your life happily would you? I pray for your happiness, and I pray so that you shut your trap.

jin

thanks

Dear Sumire,

I used to think young, wild and free is the way to live. But ever since I started working, I realized life is no longer that wild and free. Even the young part is sipping away, absorbed into my work. What's not to sip away? 9 hours of work, every single day!

I'm no longer socializing in many ways. I try to distance myself away from people. Mainly because sometimes I feel like we're in a totally different channel. Well, of course we can always fake a smile, try to think that everyone likes you and blend in.

But I'm a little lazy to do just that. Trying to blend in can be a nuisance, and it's absolutely tiring. You have to watch your words, try not to hurt others, and keep all that you want to say right in your heart. Lips sealed. That's tiring. You can't call those friends. We call those people acquaintance. Some call these people their company, but for me, not really.

I rather stick to a few I can really call friends. Say all I want, and even if I hurt them, they know my intentions. I said all sort of y things for a reason. Hurting someone else definitely couldn't be one of it.

So, to those I call friends, thanks for sticking around.
Even with my shitty comments, hurtful words, and my heavy babbling.

I truly cherish y'all.

Truthfully yours,
Jin

paradise, the living hell

Dear Sumire,

There's no good guys in this world. Literally.
Sometimes, I wished I could be like you. Look at the world like its a paradise, where everyone is angelic. But I can't.

Everyone is stepping over my head to get higher. Everyone is taking advantage of someone else.

Some judged me before knowing me. Some hate me before knowing me. Some spread untrue rumors without even knowing me. Some trampled over me just for the fun of it. Some pretended to be a friend, so that he can see my downfall. Some betrayed me over matters so trivial.

I'm not talking about people who brushed through my life.

For some were friends so closed to me.
And some were relatives. Members of the family.
They fucked up every last drops of trust and faith I have.


It's disappointing.
I swear on my life that I will do everything in my power to get even with those who trespass me.

Maybe God need to show me a little light to get me out of this hideous mindset. Or maybe He need to see me in hell when I moved on.

But until I see that spec of light, until I see a Good Samaritan with intention so pure, then I will view this world as a living hell, where everyone is demonic. No one will treat you well without a hidden agenda.

Dun blame me. Blame the world for the way it is.
Or just blame me. Just like everyone else did.

jin

you are right. i'm worthless

Dear Sumire,

I guess I'm pretty much useless. I'm a distrusted piece of shit.

So much for my filthy life.

Sorry to those I'd hurt in the past.
Especially you...
Sorry bie.

Sorry.
jin

life

Dear Sumire,

I'd got much headaches recently. Any remedy to cure this pain? I guess if my mum is reading this, she would say, "Sleep earlier." ;-) Ohmygod. I missed my parents back a home.

Life's going on a rocky direction this past 2 months, but I guess it's going to be better. My old Wira is cracking down on me, work ain't much of a smooth flow, money is never enough, my cellphone won't work like it's supposed to be and so on so forth.

My old car had been through a lot with me. What used to be my dad's tools for living became my companion. We get through college together, we survived a crash together, we survived the hellish internship together (seriously, the internship in EVO PICTURES had its tolls on both of us), and this old car still delivers me to work everyday. But even so, it's getting disorders every now and then. Sending it to the 'car hospital' wouldn't help much as its sickness grew and time flows. And its burning holes in the pocket.

Few weeks ago, my dad called and told me maybe its time to let it go. I guess it's time too. But hell, I'm so gonna miss this car. But that's also the beginning of another new nightmare. I had to get a loan to get myself a new vehicle. Yet another hole burn in my pocket.

As for work, I think my nightmares are far away from being over. Although I'd finished the monthly publication (thanks to June & Jess for their hardwork) another publication is coming my way.

Cellphone? I really hate talking about it, but I just can't stop complaining. I could carry 2 Nokia phones with me, but none work right. My C6 drains battery like a hungry hog, and my E72 wont show me the incoming calls. Sometimes, the calls don't show up at all even if the caller heard the ringtone on their side. On my side? HOME SCREEN. Gosh. The phones are driving me insane!

jin.

being judged

Dear Sumire,

Recently, I felt like I'm kind of reckless. I do mistakes here and there. To my bosses, I'm sorry. But I doubt any of them would have the chance to read it on my blog here. LOL

Aside of my recklessness while doing my job here, I got much shit lately. Luckily, it's not from my superior. Rather old expired shit if you ask me. Like ten years expired. I know that people talk shit about me sometimes. Alright, maybe all the time. but what I don't get is how a person who I'd not talk to in 10 years could thrash talk me too. Maybe, just maybe, I'm way too hard to get over with. I'm way too tempting for most people, that's why they like to talk about me so much. That must be it.

Everybody judged me like they know me. I leave a huge BAD impression on everybody. I'm after all a book with nasty cover.

So continue all your thrash talk about me. And I'll thrash talk you on my blog. See? I'm always so harmless. Just thrash talking on the cyberspace. Don't worry. I am indeed getting more and more harmless over the years.

Do I intimidate you, my friends? Because even my colleagues here said I'm fierce, intimidating, lansi and et cetera. I guess what people say about books are true. You judge it by the cover, and by the review made by others. People tell you Twilight is a good book, fans came pouring in. Even filmmakers became interested. Nobody reads a book with a nasty cover, or without a good review. Nobody will know the contents without reading it, ain't it true?

I guess not. Even a person who'd not read me before gave me a ridiculously bad review. Ain't it right Michelle?

Halt. What am I talking about anyway? I don't even know where my writings are heading to anymore, so I should stop right here. LOL

A book with nasty cover, plus bad reviews,

jin

fml

Dear Sumire,

Owh, I got some very awesome weeks past me. Not really. It was not enjoyable at all. I'm talking about a f*cked-up-life.

Highlights of my life for the past few weeks.

1. I worked like a crazy mad ass. (Definitely not because I wanted to, but that's not much of a choice. I'm kinda being forced to ;-P)
2. I broke my cellphone. (Awesome isn't it? FML. Grrrrrr...)
3. The dentist informs, that I will need to remove both wisdom tooth from the right. (That's like a big 600 bucks hole in my bank account.)
   
4. I was bullied. (I'm not gonna talk about it. But I'd never thought that would happen to ME.)
   

That's a bout it. :-)
Cheers for Raya to those who's going to celebrate it.
And to those who don't, go ahead and head to open houses alright?

Learning to smile again :-)

jin

broken phone

Dear Sumire,

Great. Just so damn freaking great. My phone just suddenly breaks. Just like that. The screen just cracked. Hell!
Isn't it awesome to be poor?

F*cked.

jin

life's a mess

Dear Sumire,

Just when I thought I'm one step closer to my dreams, i felt like I'm being dragged miles away from it. I thought I was so sophisticated, but now I feel simplistic.

Life is like a paper boat rocking in the middle of the very vast ocean. We don't know what's ahead of us, and we don't know what had just gone past us. We don't know what's about to come, or have the worst gone past us yet.

Rocking and rocking in the middle of the ocean, with no sense of direction. We're only as fragile as the wet paper boat, when will we be crushed?

Life makes us wonder "Will we ever find the promised land?" Like Moses' men wandering in the deserts, maybe in 40 years we might.

That's life.

jin

oh well

Dear Sumire,

If you ever know me at all, I'm nothing more than a disappointment. Ask that to my parents, my sister, my friend and my girl. They might not agree, but they know. I know, I tried to change, I failed, and so I told myself, "Nah, you know what? I'm fine being a failure."

The thing is, I'm not fine. I hate being called a failure, although no one really call that straight in my face. I know by the way they look, or talk to me.

I had a very bad temper. And I totally lost it this morning. Slamming on the doors and throwing tantrum. When will I ever learn how to control myself?

Gosh. I'm emotional. I remembered being called emo-king. I remembered some guys who totally stop talking to me after I threw some scary looking stare at them. I remember a time in secondary school where people won't try to talk to me because I looked like a fucking demon.

All in all, I still did not manage to control my temper. No matter how fucking hard I tried.

All in all, I failed.
jin

day 4 - photo of my best friend

Dear Sumire,

Yesterday was a hectic day at work. Watched Harry Potter 7.2, which was kinda entertaining, then I went home, and I went to bed, and I woke up an hour later to be struck by a crazy-ass toothache, which forced me to drive out at 1am in the morning, went to Subang Medical Center where I got a jab and a consultation, and burn a RM100 hole in my pocket.

It was so unbearable really. I was cringing in pain, sweaty palms and my entire body was trembling!

Anyway, its day 4, and I should post a favorite picture of my best friend.

That was the pimp or bapak ayam of 5 Sc 2 of year 2004.

Oh Gosh! That was like how many years ago? Seven? After seven years, I still like that picture of him. We sure are old now!

And by the way, my convocation is finally going to happen tomorrow.

So I should sleep!

jin

21 minute blogging

Dear Sumire,

I've like 23 minutes more before I speed back to Shah Alam, for dinner, and for bed. So here's a super duper speedy blog update which I should've wrote since like 2 weeks ago. Anyway, I'd been lazy to update this blog lately. It was probably due to my emotional quality being pretty doomed this last few weeks. But anyhow, now I'm happy, I know what I want, and I won't jeopardize my own dreams.

Talking about having dreams, I had this weird dream this morning about how I crash into a man in red color tee shirt. Guess what? He rose up and plunged open my door and pulled me out of my car and try to pummel me. I got into a fight with him, but no matter how hard I punch, nothing landed on him. Well, him on me neither. But that's no dream. That's nightmare. What am I talking about here anyway.

Dreams! Yes, dreams. I dreamed that I would be a Graphic Designer one day, but that's a dream no more too. Currently I'm working as a Junior Graphic Designer at Leno Marketing Bhd, and I think I'd been here like 3 weeks now. It's my first REAL job so I really had a lot to learn.

If you asked me about how working life is like, I'll leave you with two alphabets. No, not F.U. lah. O.T.! I'm leaving office at 9p.m. sometimes. Sometimes later. Sometimes, Saturday and Sunday also I'd to come back to office to finish off whatever not. Unpaid O.T. plak tu!

Nah, I'm not complaining. I'm kinda used to it by now. Even my Bie stopped complaining about me coming home late now. Well, not stop as in stop entirely, but you know? Stop for the time being?

Now that I'm working Monday to Friday (and sometimes Saturday, or sometimes Sunday...) I don't even have much time for movies! Talking about movies. Oh my oh my.

Transformers 3? Sucked. Like seriously sucked big time. Okay, it was probably a little damn bit better then the second installment, but the second sequel sucked big time too alright. I don't get what TF 3 want to deliver at all. At all! The characters had no depth, and Optimus Prime chickens in his truck mode when he's pissed? Really? Sounds like a kid to me. Not very 'Prime' like huh? The only thing to applaud in this movie is the 3D technology. But hey, I saw that awesome trick in the first TF movie already. So, nothing really special about it.

And I watched Green Lantern too. I went in expecting to be disappointed, but I came out smiling. It was no good. But it wasn't all that bad neither. Maybe it's because I went in expecting to be disappointed as I mentioned earlier.

Well, I wished I could write more. But It's 6.13 now, and I want to leave this place at 6.15 sharp! (It's not like I'd the chance to do so all the time. So please, excuse me.) ;-P

That conclude my 21 minute blogging with all words sans picture. LOL
jin

depressed

Dear Sumire,

Recently, I'd been thinking a lot. So much so that these thoughts are back to haunt me. I feel like as if I am pushing myself into a corner of my heart, just to look back at all the harm I'd cause to others.

I'm not a forgiver, so I'd never expect anyone to forgive me. And looking back into my past, there were so many of the people I hurt gave me a second chance. So much so, some had forgave me unconditionally.

All these, makes me feel pitiable. Because here in my heart, I feel like a monster. Mayhem causing monster.

Sorry Lord. I know I promised to be a better person, but looking at myself now, I'm nowhere near the better person I want to be.

I thank the Lord my God for the family He blessed me with, my girl who pull me through, my silly sister, and the forgiving people all around me.

jin

triple reviews while coughing

Dear Sumire,

Lately, I’m not doing so well. Sore throat, hoarse voice, no voice, fever, headaches and now I ended up with some really bad-ass cough. It’s like my lungs may come out from my mouth any moment when I cough. It’s terrible.

Maybe being sick isn’t the excuse to use for not updating this blog more frequently. So I’ll blame it on the 9.30a.m. to 7.30p.m. working hours’ basis! It’s so terrible that the only thing to do right after I wrap up after work is dinner and bed!

Anyhow, I still manage to fit in some movie time with my girlfriend. So, here’s some quick short review for every movie I’d watched so far!

The Mechanic 3.5/5 stars

It’s a gory shoot and blast movie. The whole film talks about two assassins avenging against the organization they used to work for. The Mechanic is pretty much a no brainer film trying too hard to be smart. It is a chase and kill movie at its core. The plot seems to be a little out of logic every now and the characters are acting irrationally for no obvious reasons.

It's not like this movie is not enjoyable though. So if you’re watching this movie, I assume you want to see sexy Statham, or you just want to see some exploded heads and some blood. Out of the 3.5 stars I gave, 1.5 come from the blood splatters.

I am Number Four 4/5 stars

I have to say that the film looks much better than the trailer have to offer. It was beyond my expectation! The movie talks about nine special alien childs from planet Lorien that have to be killed in a specific order, and obviously, the main hero of the film is Number Four in the list.

Number Four or John Smith obtained his special Lorien ability called Legacy, which is unique to every user. For John, his ability includes having torchlight in the palm of his hand. Number Six in the other hand have some very cool warping technique and anti-fire defensive barrier. If you compare their ability, Six makes Four’s ability stupid, period.

The movie itself had a good balance of romance and action which makes the movie an enjoyable experience. If you haven’t watched this movie, I would recommend this movie highly.

Beastly 1/5 stars

I watched the premiere screening of Beastly with my colleagues from Evo Pictures for free, since we make the short edit of the 10 secs, 15 secs, and the 20 secs Beastly trailer you see on TV. Since it’s free, I watch the film with joyous feeling while I almost shouted, “I’m lucky I didn’t pay for this movie!”

When I watched the trailer (and while I was editing it, I watched it over and over for almost a hundred times) I thought it would be pretty good. It ends up that the trailer’s good, the real film is not!

The trailer had very good sound effects, great visual effects which impressed me. The real film itself however did not employ the same visual effects seen in the trailer. Except for the blind tutor who called himself Mary Poppins in the trailer; the other characters had no depths at all and the dialogues are extremely boring.

Everything in this film is uninteresting, except if you’re like me, watching the beastly make-up for the main character of the movie. And to tell you the truth, he’s not ugly, just extremely punked. Nothing beastly in it at all. I rather watch the cartoon version of The Beauty and the Beast, because at least, it is enjoyable. So, in conclusion just 1 star: for the make-up.

So, that covers both my ranting and my movie review!

Until then,

jin

i hate being sick!

Dear Sumire,

Can anyone please take away all the pain, and fever, the runny nose and the sore throat please?

Because I really wanna stop taking the Paracetamols, Tamsolo, Zyrtec and the Strepsils. God please help!

Praying hard,
jin

internship sucks

Dear Sumire,

Let's do a little update rather than just posting movie review okay. Might be even less interesting compared to movie review anyway. But here we go.

Been doing my internship here in Evo Pictures for almost 2 months now. And to be bold, the work here had been fun, although overall the working hours and the paycheck sucks. I would like to rephrase my previous sentence if you may. THE PAYCHECK SUCKS, and it eliminates all the fun of working whatsoever.

So far I'd been out there for quite some a number of shoots, and our department is called the 'Art Department'. More like 'Jabatan Kuli Batak' if you ask me. =.=

Here's some pics from our shootings. I'll introduce some dudes I get to know from working here. Making new friends are really some of the best thing happened while I'm working here.

I get to know two new real tight buddies here. They're a little bit nuts though. When they're around, we laugh at whatever we can no matter how tense the situation we're in!

2 Crazy Dudes

Since this is a production company, I also get to know this ambitious girl who aims to be a movie director by 26. Though she currently worked as Assistant Director in some of the TV Ad we did, I truly believe she can do it! I wish her luck, and gave her my full support!

Director to be!

There're also some folks who spoke gibberish, and requires high IQ to decipher what he's tying to say. You may use all the sources you can to decipher the message. Meet Sakai.

Well, besides me, there are some other people who fall victim to this company. Yea, you read me right. We're really victims of abuse here. Well, to tell the truth, the real abuse here is Doreen. You hear her name on set all the time. "Doreeeeeenn!"

The 2 new girls who start their internship last month.

I'll just post some interesting pictures when we did the shooting. So, pardon my lack of words. ;-)

The male artists dance scene.

Hafiz and his pom pom girls!

Recognize anyone here?

This is how they set up to record a moving car.

You realize there's a bunch of dudes picking up papers from the floor?

That's right. I'm one of them. Pathetic job. LOL

We work until midnight for these ads. Let's just say the experience is worth it because at the end of the day, we're just a bunch of...

Signing off!

jin