life

Dear Sumire,

I'd got much headaches recently. Any remedy to cure this pain? I guess if my mum is reading this, she would say, "Sleep earlier." ;-) Ohmygod. I missed my parents back a home.

Life's going on a rocky direction this past 2 months, but I guess it's going to be better. My old Wira is cracking down on me, work ain't much of a smooth flow, money is never enough, my cellphone won't work like it's supposed to be and so on so forth.

My old car had been through a lot with me. What used to be my dad's tools for living became my companion. We get through college together, we survived a crash together, we survived the hellish internship together (seriously, the internship in EVO PICTURES had its tolls on both of us), and this old car still delivers me to work everyday. But even so, it's getting disorders every now and then. Sending it to the 'car hospital' wouldn't help much as its sickness grew and time flows. And its burning holes in the pocket.

Few weeks ago, my dad called and told me maybe its time to let it go. I guess it's time too. But hell, I'm so gonna miss this car. But that's also the beginning of another new nightmare. I had to get a loan to get myself a new vehicle. Yet another hole burn in my pocket.

As for work, I think my nightmares are far away from being over. Although I'd finished the monthly publication (thanks to June & Jess for their hardwork) another publication is coming my way.

Cellphone? I really hate talking about it, but I just can't stop complaining. I could carry 2 Nokia phones with me, but none work right. My C6 drains battery like a hungry hog, and my E72 wont show me the incoming calls. Sometimes, the calls don't show up at all even if the caller heard the ringtone on their side. On my side? HOME SCREEN. Gosh. The phones are driving me insane!

jin.

a reply

Dear Miss T,

I got your memo, and I understand you perfectly. I'll keep my reply as brief as possible.

You're probably right about there's nothing to salvage after all, but I never thought of our friendship as something to salvage. I thought you said no one would or will understand what's between us. I guess that includes me.

Sorry for all the blood you bleed.

And a big thank you for being there despite all the shit we're in.

But don't worry, I read you perfectly.

Like I once said, "We're done when you don't want me around anymore."

I'll do as I promise.

But I guess it doesn't matter much, since we ain't talking to each other like how we use to be.

You won't hear from me anymore.

This will be the last.

A deleted friend,

jin

sakuma drops / hotaru no haka

Dear Sumire,

Have you ever heard of the 'Sakuma drops'? I know that's so random, or maybe I ran out of things to blog about. I realize all my entries are mostly rantings nowadays. Loled.

According to Wikipedia:

Sakuma Drops (サクマ式ドロップス Sakuma-shiki Doroppusu) are a hard candy from Japan. They are flavored with real fruit juice and are made by Sakuma Candy Co. based in Ikebukuro, Tokyo. The candies are not as popular as they were in the past, but they are an easily recognizable icon in Japan as they have been available since the Meiji period. The candies are sold in 4-by-3.5 inch tin cans with a tin pull cap. Sakuma tins are collectible items, as the design frequently changes.

And here's my first can of sakuma drops!

What I learned from the internet was this green can is the 'normal edition'.

Well, the first time I ever had this candy was when Lucas had a can in his bag. I was immediately hooked by the design of the can. The one he had was the red colored can. But never had I thought that the candy itself had such a long history.

It was even featured in a Studio Gibhli 1988 animation titled Hotaru no haka (Grave of Fireflies). I watched it, and I will never be able to look at Sakuma Drops the same way ever again. It's undeniably the saddest movie I had ever watched.

Seita and Setsuko

The film speaks of Seita and Setsuko, a pair of siblings living/surviving the end of World War II. It's a saddening story of how harsh life can be during wartimes.

The film begins with Seita dressed only in rags, dying of starvation. All he was holding on was a can of Sakuma drops can. After given up his last breath, he drop the can. A janitor picks it up, looking for anything valuable. He toss what seems to be a worthless candy can out. The can's cover breaks open and sprung out the ash and bones of Setsuko. But that was not all. Also coming out of it was a cloud of red fireflies, and Setsuko's spirit.

Upon seeing her brother Seita's lifeless body lying on the floor unattended, Setsuko was about to run towards him, only to be stopped by Seita's spirit, now dressed handsomely.

Seita and Setsuko's spirit then travel back to the place they belong: Kobe. As they travel, they are seen to face their own flashbacks. They were the children of an Imperial Navy sailor. During the Kobe bombing, they lost their mother. It was then an empty Sakuma drops can in Setsuko's possession was used to store their mother's jewelries.

They rely on their aunt for a while, until their only relative left begins to think of the two of them as a burden. Seita decided that they can live on their own, converting a shelter into their home. But living on their own was a grave mistake that Seita made.

Seita had to steal and trade in order to get food, but it was never enough. Unable to get enough food for the two of them, Setsuko begins to suffer from malnutrition and eventually dies from it. Before dying, Setsuko was sucking their mother's jewelries from the candy can due to hallucination. She also ingested the 'rice balls' she made out of mud.

Seita cremated his sister with sorrow. He store her ash in the candy can and never went back to the shelter ever again. The film end with the pair of siblings sitting beside each other, watching over modern Kobe cityscape nightview.

Seita trying to get the candy out of the can when Setsuko cries... *Cute*

The way I see it, at least they're still reconnected at death. This is a film you should never miss. It's a masterpiece. My review? I give it a 5/5.

loving both of it: sakuma drops / hotaru no haka,

jin

being judged

Dear Sumire,

Recently, I felt like I'm kind of reckless. I do mistakes here and there. To my bosses, I'm sorry. But I doubt any of them would have the chance to read it on my blog here. LOL

Aside of my recklessness while doing my job here, I got much shit lately. Luckily, it's not from my superior. Rather old expired shit if you ask me. Like ten years expired. I know that people talk shit about me sometimes. Alright, maybe all the time. but what I don't get is how a person who I'd not talk to in 10 years could thrash talk me too. Maybe, just maybe, I'm way too hard to get over with. I'm way too tempting for most people, that's why they like to talk about me so much. That must be it.

Everybody judged me like they know me. I leave a huge BAD impression on everybody. I'm after all a book with nasty cover.

So continue all your thrash talk about me. And I'll thrash talk you on my blog. See? I'm always so harmless. Just thrash talking on the cyberspace. Don't worry. I am indeed getting more and more harmless over the years.

Do I intimidate you, my friends? Because even my colleagues here said I'm fierce, intimidating, lansi and et cetera. I guess what people say about books are true. You judge it by the cover, and by the review made by others. People tell you Twilight is a good book, fans came pouring in. Even filmmakers became interested. Nobody reads a book with a nasty cover, or without a good review. Nobody will know the contents without reading it, ain't it true?

I guess not. Even a person who'd not read me before gave me a ridiculously bad review. Ain't it right Michelle?

Halt. What am I talking about anyway? I don't even know where my writings are heading to anymore, so I should stop right here. LOL

A book with nasty cover, plus bad reviews,

jin

fragility of relationship

Dear Sumire,

Yesterday I went on on a supper with this one guy I'd known almost all my my life. And he told me he had a broke-up like 3 weeks ago. For a moment, I was stunned.

He was one of my best friend ever, and to tell the truth, I'd always envied him. He had a calm heart and mind. He have the most serene relationship,and I'd never heard any problems regarding it. Like I say, I envied him.

So this one news I heard about him having a break-up was shocking. I thought he was going 'really-steady'. I even thought I might get an wedding invitation sometime next year or so. But a break-up? It makes me question the fragility of love. Wait, maybe the fragility of a relationship would sound more like it.

I wonder why people get together. Is it because of love? Or was it because we humans just need another being to hang on? If that's the case, is that why most of the long-distance-relationships failed?

I'd been told, relationship is not about give and take. It's much more than that. It's about love. It's about being happy. Easier said than done isn't it? How many of yous out there had a really happy relationship?

But then, I'd also been told that being in a relationship means you learn to give and take; happily. if you can do so, then you're doing good. if you're not, you're pretty much screwed.

I'd also being told that being in a relationship is about having a commitment. If you trust that someone, then love him or her with all your heart. Commitment means you forget all the wrongs and errs before you and start committing to that one person again. Alright, now it sounds almost impossible to be done. After all, we're only humans. To err is human, to forgive divine.

So to speak, we are all on a difficult mission to seek and search for the other half. But to be with that someone until the end of the road is way harder.

jin

wisdom tooth

Dear Sumire,

I had a surgery to remove 2 of my wisdom tooth on my right. It had to be done since it was impacted and was getting too near to the nerves. It was causing me so much pain that I had an injection on my butt at 2a.m. in the morning. the pain was so unbearable that I was trembling so badly as I drove to Subang Medical Center. The tooth had to go.

It's not so easy to summarize the whole experience. I mean, it was way scarier then what I thought. It's almost like the dentist is treating you like a nut cracker, where you heard noise of nuts cracking inside your mouth, but only, it's not nuts. It's the tooth which is cracking. *Prakkk* Now imagine that kind of loud jolt with a huge plyer in your mouth.

Damn, I swear, no nuts for me for this few months. (It's not like I can eat them anyway with my current *toothless* condition.)

The dentist told me the procedures would be completed in 45 minutes tops. But in the end, it was extended to a full 2 hours, due to the fact that the horizontally impacted on the bottom right was not able to be extracted with ease. That's when the language became scarier.

"Hand me the bone cutter. I think I'll need to cut into his jaw."

I have to admit, I requested for more local anesthetics because it became painful halfway through the procedure. After that, I don't feel a thing in my mouth. But it's still scary how the dentist puts her tools into my mouth without me feeling anything. I felt helpless. All I thought of at the moment is for the whole thing to end a.s.a.p. Gosh! But it's almost like it will never end.

Seriously, when the dentist said it was done, I released a happy smile. But maybe, it doesn't look like a smile at all. LOL

Aww. And look at how much it swells after the procedure. Aww.

And the worst part of all? I still have two wisdom tooth on my left to remove. FML

jin

fml

Dear Sumire,

Owh, I got some very awesome weeks past me. Not really. It was not enjoyable at all. I'm talking about a f*cked-up-life.

Highlights of my life for the past few weeks.

1. I worked like a crazy mad ass. (Definitely not because I wanted to, but that's not much of a choice. I'm kinda being forced to ;-P)
2. I broke my cellphone. (Awesome isn't it? FML. Grrrrrr...)
3. The dentist informs, that I will need to remove both wisdom tooth from the right. (That's like a big 600 bucks hole in my bank account.)
   
4. I was bullied. (I'm not gonna talk about it. But I'd never thought that would happen to ME.)
   

That's a bout it. :-)
Cheers for Raya to those who's going to celebrate it.
And to those who don't, go ahead and head to open houses alright?

Learning to smile again :-)

jin