Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

Saturday, August 21, 2010

it's about the covenant. because there's just so much more to it than just a covenant.

Dear Sumire,

Today I read something on Facebook that moved my heart so much that I cried even before I could finish the whole story. I believe the story is fictional, but the message is strong. I'd like to share it here. Please take some time and read it. I swear it's worth reading till the end.
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When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outsidethe door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6.

By Stephanie Halmilton

Maybe I'm too emotional. Maybe the story is just too sad. But either way, I hope the story touched you. Don't break the heart of those who love you.



P/S: Bie, I love you.
jin

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

grr..eat tigger year!

Dear Sumire,

Happy Chinese New Year!!


Shot this fireworks on the CNY's eve!

Paiseh lah~ Wanted to blog about Chinese New Year and a few more random stuffs earlier, but I couldn’t find the time. I’d a lot more work on my table, but I ignored them all because I’m feeling terribly lazy. CNY totally drains me out. What makes it even more terrible is the fact that I got sick right after I came back to Shah Alam.

Well, you can say I achieved absolutely nothing during CNY. That exclude a few more new conflicts in my hands (but I won’t call them achievements). I was called a jerk that could never change. Well, she did not say it right to my face, but somehow I know she was throwing those words at me. I still wonder what I did that makes her all fired up, but I guess I will never know. Life is always that ironic. She was the one that pushed my heart to the point that I wanted myself to change into a better person. She was the one that said she’d faith that I could change. But I guess she was just saying that for fun. But I want to change nonetheless. No matter I’ve got her support or not. I believe I could and I’d faith I would. I believe that God would give me a chance if I would try. No matter if it's too late or not.

Bla bla bla! Talk bout this stuffs really make me 'sou heng' ah! Let's get back to my CNY! On the 1st day of CNY, I spent some quality time with family and friends, and I’m grateful for that. I enjoyed the great moments with them, and I was really happy. Back then, I used to think of CNY mainly only of Ang Pows and junk foods. But now, I feel quite differently of CNY. The company of our close ones worth much more than the Ang Pows we accepted!

My family!

Mak dan ayah tersayang.

Super seldom take picture with my handsome dad. So I thought MUST upload kan?
Very red ryte? Huat aahhh!

Ini plak my sister! All these pictures are shot on the 1st day of CNY.

2nd day of CNY, my family follows the traditions of Hokkien to go back my mummy’s ‘Niang Jia’ at Sg Rambai. And as usual, my grandparents would some sort of open house on that day. Makan lah~ Apa lagi?


Makan makan, jangan tak makan. =D

After makan makan, they start gambling! This year, I again refrain from gambling. It had been a few years since I last gambled. Well, no lose no pain lah kan? Since I’m not gambling, I got lots of free time at my grandma’s house, which is not quite a good thing. I took lots of pictures, got tired and fell asleep at my grandma’s living room. I guess many people would’ve seen me drooling away. Here's some of the pictures i took:

Lai ah lai ah! Let's HUAT arrhh!

Ini 2 gua mia leng lui cousins.

My sister and my always crying cousin. It's a miracle he let her hug him like that!
But he's definitely cute when he's not crying.

Family picture. Front-liners are filled with New Year Spirit don't you think?
ONG ah~

Well, for me CNY’s 2nd and 3rd day had always belongs to my mummy’s family. These reunions usually will have lots of chatter, laughter, food, cards and money involved. Hahaha.. But I guess that’s what CNY is all about la kan? It’s all about re-connecting family bonds.

Like I said, my 3rd Day of CNY was spent with family members as well. There's nothing much to talk about, except the fact that Pua called suddenly and asked me to go visiting with him. After asking my parents for permission and called Pua back to see if he can fetch me up from Taman Seri Bayan or not, all the efforts goes down the drain. Hahaha.. Not anyone’s fault but it’s just too inconvenient. Anyway, here’s some picture taken on the third night!

Arrival of the VIPs.

Homemade food is served!

The 'Masak-masak Crew'!

Halau lalat crew!

Makan!

Our grandma!

Carlsberg anyone?

My cute da jie, and her cute lao gong.

On the 4th day, Pua and I went to Koo's house. It'd been so long since a step into his house, but the house was still the same. The furniture arrangement, the huge coffee table, it's all remain unchanged. It feels familiarly the same. It all feels awkwardly comfortable to me. Anyway, being able to talk to Koo again after so long makes me feel light again. The once heavy burden in my heart was finally cast away. I wonder somehow, if our friendship could be like his unchanging house, and be the same again? I doubt so, but I hope so. Well, no pictures was taken that day. Hahaha.. We also did visit Zhi Wei's house. There we saling kutuk-mengutuk and focus on psycho-ing Pua to join other field of profession. Sell handphone, for example. LOL

On the 5th day, Tuang Cheong organized a class gathering for 6 Arts 2 at Amigo. It was a fun experience as some faces had been missing from my life for such a long amount of time. We chat and discussed about the time we'd spent together, and the time we'd not. It was disappointing though because I thought I would be able to see Ruey, Poh Chuan, and Wee Yong there. I had fun, although my neck was giving me a hell of pain.

My soba comes with a raw bird egg. =.=

Thanks for the night! 6A2 rockz!

On the 6th, I went out for 'Cousin's Night Out' with Nick, Jocelyn, Eunice and Jan. Due to Jan's inability to contact everyone fast enough, Jasmine and Andrew had to pass on that night's outing. We watch Little Big Soldier which is not that bad. While waiting for our movie to start, we had our supper at Old Town on the top floor of Dataran Pahlawan. Unexpectedly, Pua came with Sab to snap some pictures for us. How nice of them eh?

Actually Pua wanted me to accompany him for lim-teh session with Sab, but then I already promised my cousins to accompany them. So Pua decided to tag along the supper session with my cousins. Well, it's a good thing he came! He brought his semi-pro camera with him and snap some pictures for all of us!

My siblings!
(Photo Courtesy of MoguPua Photography)

Pua, you're the best ah!
(Photo Courtesy of MoguPua Photography)

That's all for now lah~ I'm feeling drowsy again. This post had been drag a few days already, because of my stupid flu medicine. Type halfway, feel dizzy. Type some more, feel drowsy. If i continue typing some more, I'm sure to fall asleep. Kay lah... In this tigger year, jin wishes all of you a grrr..eat year ahead!!

Yours truly,

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