rEpEnT

Did I say Melaka had better weather compared to shah alam? I take my all words back. This must be the rainy season or something. Cause the weather is terribly troublesome here especially when my main transportation to move around in Melaka is just a bike.

Take the other day, I went out with aj and suan, and suan's friend, and suan's friend's boyfriend. Okay, so the 5 of us went for a badminton game at yu hwa primary school. Halfway playing, suddenly, 'bam'. As unpredictable as the BN's lost in this recent general election, rain starts pouring down. I can’t believe that we came into the court while the sun is still shining brightly. It really looked like it has already rained for a few hours or so, even it's only minutes since we reached that place. Even the water drainage system is already overflowing.

Duh, this rainy season is so sickening.

Since we’re talking about the rain, I do feel surprise that it doesn’t rain on the Good Friday this year. Every year, without fail, it rained. That very Friday, every year. At least in Melaka it does. Not superstitious or anything, but I remember how people around me always joked about the rain calling it “Tears of God”.

Well, this year, I attended the Good Friday’s mass at the St. Theresa’s Church. Normally, my family chooses to go to the St. Peter’s church during Good Friday. Anyway, it doesn’t matter much which church we attend. The truth is my heart was heavy that Friday night.

Good Friday is the day we Catholics remind ourselves that Jesus Christ allow himself to be nailed on the cross to redeem the sins of the world. He who is Divine, and did not sin was condemned to a disgraceful ugly death. Jesus was betrayed, framed, accused, and withstands mockery from the crowd. Jesus is beforehand scourged and tortured for a treason he did not commit.

When the priest was chanting the Stations of the Cross, I felt a need to repent. I’m a heavy sinner, and I had even committed a grave sin. Would I ever be forgiven? Is God willing to forgive an unworthy sinner like me? I had always believed that my God is not a vengeful God. My God is my Father. He is forgiving. But I also believed that God will put every one of us into the test. If last December was a test, I failed my Lord miserably. My sins nailed him there on that Cross.

I remember how that priest look at me in pity when I confess to him. I knew that moment, he felt helpless too. He doesn’t know if he could help me. He’s afraid that my sins are far too heavy for me to bear. Or worse, maybe far too heavy to be pardoned.I'm still searching for forgiveness. I might be unworthy, but Lord, into Your hands, I commit my spirit.

I hope to redeem myself. Though I’m not a strong Catholic, I am faithful. I believe in one true God, the Father almighty. I’m down on my knees. Lord, hear my prayers. I’d only wish that I’d not been forsaken.

Whoah! Should I chill? This is already sounds too religious for my taste for a blog! Haha..

I’m just pouring out the words from my heart. Oh please bear with me. =)