If I could describe my life with colors, it would be a grey rainbow. My life had always been colorful and grey at the same time.
I won’t describe myself as a good person. I’m not Mr. Nice. I have an evil mind. I know I’m capable of causing harm to people. I know people see me as evil-doer. My dad must have been very disappointed to have a son like me. He’s a great man, a good man; and I’m nothing like him. He’s in a totally different league in which I’ll never reach.
But God had always and always blessed me with good people around me. If I’m to compare myself to them, I would say I stand next to nothing. I’d a great family. Good friends. Sometimes, I feel like I do not deserve this people in my life.
Maybe it’s my nature; to ruin things. I’m like a typhoon of destruction, destroying everything in my path. That includes the beautiful people God blessed me with.
Koo once told me, “You do not see what you have. You complained, but you never had realized that your life is blessed and perfect.” I dismissed him by saying anyone else but him had the right to deliver that kind of speech to me, and never ever gave a second thought about what he said. But he was right. I’m blessed, despite how ugly my soul can be.
Nah. It’s nothing. I’m not emotional. My brain’s not working quite right with so many things to do, and so little time to use. Still, I’m feeling tired and lazy. Stiff neck and shoulders makes me even lazier. Then things start to come to mind and I drift away into my own imaginarium. Being alone with nothing to do got me thinking.
Let me get this straight. I’m indeed a vengeful man, or at least I’d a vengeful heart. I’d emphasized that I’m not Mr. Nice Guy. Of anyone did anything bad to me, I swear I’ll return the favor. I know it’s morally questionable, but that’s just the way I am.
I won’t describe myself as a good person. I’m not Mr. Nice. I have an evil mind. I know I’m capable of causing harm to people. I know people see me as evil-doer. My dad must have been very disappointed to have a son like me. He’s a great man, a good man; and I’m nothing like him. He’s in a totally different league in which I’ll never reach.
But God had always and always blessed me with good people around me. If I’m to compare myself to them, I would say I stand next to nothing. I’d a great family. Good friends. Sometimes, I feel like I do not deserve this people in my life.
Maybe it’s my nature; to ruin things. I’m like a typhoon of destruction, destroying everything in my path. That includes the beautiful people God blessed me with.
Koo once told me, “You do not see what you have. You complained, but you never had realized that your life is blessed and perfect.” I dismissed him by saying anyone else but him had the right to deliver that kind of speech to me, and never ever gave a second thought about what he said. But he was right. I’m blessed, despite how ugly my soul can be.
Nah. It’s nothing. I’m not emotional. My brain’s not working quite right with so many things to do, and so little time to use. Still, I’m feeling tired and lazy. Stiff neck and shoulders makes me even lazier. Then things start to come to mind and I drift away into my own imaginarium. Being alone with nothing to do got me thinking.
Let me get this straight. I’m indeed a vengeful man, or at least I’d a vengeful heart. I’d emphasized that I’m not Mr. Nice Guy. Of anyone did anything bad to me, I swear I’ll return the favor. I know it’s morally questionable, but that’s just the way I am.
Frustrated,
Jin
We are all blessed.
ReplyDeleteAll of us. Everyone who has never had to wake up in the morning worrying that that sunset would be their last, or go to sleep at night thinking that they would never open their eyes again is blessed.
Because no matter what happens, no matter what we go through, at least we do not have to worry about the one single important thing that we tend to forget about when immersed in our "problems" and that is quite simply, living.
Hang in there :)
thanks cyren.
ReplyDeletei'm still hanging on. =D
Thanks for visiting my blog. It's good that you know your flaws and weaknesses. But do realise that you are also human and you live in this world. You are prone to fall into temptations of any kind. And everything is a choice. A choice to be grateful, a choice to love, a choice to be vengeful and so on. To change is also a choice. Just my train of thought ;)
ReplyDelete