will life find a way?

Dear Sumire,

I helped out my sister out for a whole 2 days, for her video assignment.

I must say, it tolls on me, physically, mentally and spiritually.
But it was fun. I enjoyed it. Even if I'd to be tossed on the cold damp stony ground.
Frankly, I enjoyed it. But don't mistaken me for a sadist. I just missed story telling.

Then it strikes me hard, that I miss this life. I really wanted this kind of life you know? Scouting the location. Being on the set, planning the shots. Looking at storyboards. God knows I missed these stuffs.

I wonder what I'm meant to do. I want to get there. But where's the God-damned path? I can't see it. Not a window of opportunity.

I'm not ranting. Or maybe I am. But more than that I'm just asking, if there's a way of going back into the life I really wanted. I'd always been the kinda guy that tell himself that "Life will find a way". I'd always been like that since forever.

But now I wonder...
What if this way is not leading me to the destination I should be; or more accurately the place I wanted to be in the end.

I just wonder if I will get there before I die.
Maybe.
Maybe not.

I guess I'll never know.
jin